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The Wisdom of Compromise

The Wisdom of Compromise

One of the most important things to learn in life is the wisdom of compromise. Many people find it hard to compromise because they believe that when they give in, they will end up as the loser who does not get what they want. However, compromise is not about losing. It is about having the understanding and deciding that others have just about as much right as you, to have a happy ending.

Why Do We Need To Compromise?

Compromise is needed when two or more parties have to resolve conflict peacefully. When we compromise, we are thinking and doing for the good of many, and the happiness of many. It helps us to cultivate awareness not only in our self but of others and teaches us to be humble in self-importance.

  1. Compromise makes conflicts much easier to resolve.
  2. It is a form of co-operation that fosters amicable ending to conflicts.
  3. It provides a mutual win-win solution where everyone gets some of what they want.
  4. It sustains long-lasting harmonious relationships.

The Wisdom of Compromise?

However, in deciding to give in or not, we need to recognise the difference between healthy and unhealthy comprises. 

A healthy compromise benefits all parties involved and does not contest your safety and core values. On the other hand, an unhealthy compromise happens when it is one-sided (one completely giving in and the other taking all), and involves giving up your integrity and/or changing core values. Unhealthy compromise often results in resentment and loss of your authentic best self

As Mahatma Gandhi said

“All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take”

The Art Of Healthy Compromise!

The art of healthy compromise is in giving and taking with a dash of love, peace and empathy. It means that even though everyone loses a little something, at the same time, everyone also gains a little something where everyone benefits and can be happy with the final outcome.

So here goes 6 steps to cultivating the art of healthy compromise:

  1. Identify the root cause of the conflict.
  2. Understand where each other is coming from. Listen to each other’s points and see the view from each other’s perspectives.
  3. Workaround the differences with the common goal in mind to come up with an agreeable outcome/result for all concerned.
  4. Be willing to bend a little. Try to look at the conflict impartially and see which ideas, needs, and values are important and which you feel are more flexible to relent.
  5. Be willing to give up something to gain something greater for everyone. 
  6. Value your relationship more than your ego. Let go of the self-importance and pride that hinder a good outcome.

Having to compromise is sometimes one of the toughest tasks in our lives. However, when we allow ourselves to compromise, it is a virtue that brings out our compassion, negotiation skills, and opens our mind to different perspectives around us. Being able to compromise healthily and positively bridges the gap between what we want and what others want. Practising the wisdom of compromise will boost harmony and happiness with the people around us, including ourselves.

Namaste.

It Begins With The Mindset

It Begins With The Mindset

Why does it all begins with the right mindset? Is the mindset really important to help us achieve what we desire? Let’s explore this.

What is a Mindset?

A mindset is a way of thinking. It is a collection of thought habits of how we make sense of what is happening around us. These thought habits are our mental inclination towards what we believe and how we see things, and often affects how we think, feel and act.

Conditioning Your Mind

The natural conditioning of our brain is formed through the repetition of thoughts, feelings and actions. How we were raised, our experiences and beliefs strengthen the neural pathways in our brain that form the brain’s pattern of thinking, feeling and acting. 

Habits, beliefs and perceptions are the result of the natural conditioning of our brain. The beliefs we hold in our mind forms our attitude which shapes our mindset, and our attitude in turns strengthen the habits we have which reinforces our mindset. Your mindset is what leads you to your destination of the life you create for yourself. 

Two Types of Mindsets

The growth mindset

When challenged or faced with something difficult, you believe you can do it. You learn and develop the skills to solve the matter at hand.

The static mindset

When challenged or faced with difficulties, you believe you are hopeless and provide all sorts of excuses why it is undoable or unreachable.

Why Growth Mindset Is Important?

As Carol S Dweck explains:

Growth Mindset (Intelligence can be developed)
  • embraces challenges
  • persists in the face of setback
  • uses effort as the path to mastery
  • learn from critics
  • finds lessons and inspiration in the success of others

As a result, they reach even higher levels of achievement.

Fixed Mindset (Intelligence is static)
  • avoids challenges
  • gives up easily
  • sees effort as fruitless or worse
  • ignores useful negative feedback
  • feel threatened by the success of others

As a result, they may plateau early and achieve less than their full potential.

Why It Begins with the Mindset?

Significance of Powerful Positive Thoughts and Actions

As pointed above, when we have a healthy and growing mindset, we can accomplish great achievements.

AS WE THINK WE ACT,

AS WE ACT, WE ARE

AS WE ARE, WE THINK.

I find this to be very true based on my own experiences with my life challenges. There was a time years ago, when I was going through one of my darkest period in life, it was a growing mindset filled with gratitude and positivity that drove me to become alive again. 

Mind you, it wasn’t easy when all I wanted to do was to lie on my bed and wished my sorrow away. Everything that was the essence of me, all vanished into thin air. On many days, I was aware of my zombie state. I was also very aware that it all begins with my mindset, but my mind refused to do anything. Until one fine day, my inner strength finally broke through my weaknesses and called out to me. Enough was enough! I awoken with the tenacity to dig myself out of the mud hole I buried myself in. 

Initially, the journey of returning to my true nature was arduous. Every single day, I had to consciously push myself to look inwards to find the true essence of me again and in what I believe in – growth, positiveness, gratitude, and love. I strived to be mindful in my thoughts and actions. Every morning, I gave thanks daily for another day to work on my shortcomings. I remember to be grateful for everything around me, even on days when I did not feel grateful at all. When negative thoughts arised abruptly, I purposefully rewired my mindset to change them into powerful positive thoughts, and focus on the moment of where I was and what I was doing. There are still days when unwanted negative thoughts appear. I just observe them, accept that yeah, I’m human and move on from that thought. It is what it is as part of my growing and learning journey where I work on improving my mind power. As I think, I am. 

Which Mindset Do You Have?

It is our present mindset that determines the life we create. How we think and what we decide to do today leads to a future of what we did in the past. 

The problem though, is that most of us are not mentally strong enough and we have yet to master the growth mindset. Without a growth and positive mindset, it is always easier to look at the external factors for blame in our current life. It is always easier to give up than to struggle. A person with a fixed mindset has limited beliefs that often leads to self fulfilling  prophecies which prevents him or her from being their personal best. 

Mental Conditioning

Train your mind to rid the default negative beliefs and impressions planted in your brain  Modify your thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs to accept reformed positive thinking patterns that will ultimately optimise your performances. 

Observe your thoughts 
  • Keep a log of your thoughts.
  • Are your thoughts more positive or negative?
  • Why do you think the way you do?
  • Understand the mechanisms in your thought patterns so that you can address them.
Be aware of your thoughts. 
  • Realise that your subconscious mind cannot distinguish between truth and false.
  • Whatever you feed your mind constantly and repeatedly will be accepted as its truth. 
Build good thoughts habits.
  • Be in control of your thoughts.
  • Do not give power to negative thoughts.
  • Whenever a thought that does not suit your purpose pops up, tell yourself it is ok but it is not you.
  • Discard it and consciously bring a good thought to counter that negative thought. Tune in to positive thinking Remember, what you repeatedly tell yourself is what your mind perceive as the truth. 
Build Mental Toughness Of Positive Thinking
  • Focus on gratitude. Be grateful for the good things in your life. Write 5 things you are grateful for.
  • Believe in who you are. Write 5 positive affirmations about yourself and read them out when you awake and before you go to bed. A trick here is to look at your eyes in the mirror as you make the affirmations, totally believing in yourself. 
  • Train your brain to speak in positive ways. Have positive responses to everything that happens to you. Do not allow external factors to control your emotions. 
  • Whenever a negative thought or feeling arises:
    • STOP.
    • FOCUS ON BREATHING.
    • COUNT to TEN before you respond.
    • Tell yourself you are no longer that person and return to the present moment with a good thought. 

Positive Thinking, Mental Toughness, Focus and Concentration

You can increase self awareness of your mental and physical states by

  • having a clear positive vision of what you want to change
  • understanding why you want the change
  • develop the positivity, mindset and focus to achieve the change

It all begins with the mindset. So, plant good thought seeds to sow great intentions and form robust habits to gift yourself a growth mindset that endures and overcomes all your challenges. Namaste.

8 Universal Moral Principles That Can Improve Our Way Of Life Now

8 Universal Moral Principles That Can Improve Our Way Of Life Now

What are moral principles?

The Free Dictionary defines moral principle as “the principles of right and wrong that are accepted by an individual or a social group”. It is also defined as “the principle that conduct should be moral”.

Why we need moral principles?

Who we become and who we are boiled down to the moral principles we uphold. I believe that no matter how successful we are in terms of fame and money, we are nothing if we do not abide by moral principles and have moral values.

Filial piety

What is filial piety?

Filial piety originated from Confucius. The character 孝 “xiao” consists of an upper component representing “age” and a lower component representing “child”. It signifies the relationship between parent-child where the parent leads the child and the child supports the parent. This means that the parents must rear and educate their young ones, and children who are of age must support and assist their parents. Filial piety is the most important virtue in Chinese culture, for without our parents, we would not exist.  

Practicing filial piety in times of COVID-19

Now is a good time to repay your parents’ kindness. At times when we are forced to stay home due to the danger of COVID-19, where old aged people are high risk to this infection, it is only right for us to do our filial duties. If your parents are old and senile, If you are away from home during this time of duress, be mindful to check up on the well-being of your mum and dad. Skype, FaceTime or Whats App Video call them to ensure they are ok and also to let them know you are ok, wherever you are. If they are fortunate enough to live with you, respect and be kind to them. A parent’s love and worry never end no matter how old their child may be. Wherever you are, ensure your parents are getting the assistance they may need to stay safe. Our parents are the utmost important people for us to be of service to when we are grown and capable. Love, honour and respect them always. When we were young and helpless, they provided and took care of us and it is only right we look after our elders when they become old and helpless. Do this not just for this COVID-19 period but for the rest of the days of your parents.

Mindfulness

Be aware of your present moment and focus on your thoughts, words, and actions that they may be wise and filled with common sense and truth. COVID-19 has taken away our norm and there are still many who are not mindful of the safety of others and themselves. Fear, anxiety, and panic may have taken over our lives. Wake up and breathe for a moment. Put some thoughts into the current situation of COVID-19 and use your wisdom. Be mindful to fact checks what you can do. Accept the reality of what is happening now and why we need to stay home. Discard our ignorance by learning from trusted sources and experts, transform our fear and worry into courage and resilience to face this adversity and reduce sufferings together.

Attitude

Be responsive to situations. Have a caring attitude and act in the best interest of mankind. Care about the people around you and care about the environment. Only when we care with love, kindness, and compassion, we are motivated to do our best for a better result. Humanity is the first principle to ensure the survival of all humans and matters. Instead of pointing fingers at each other, or harping about what happened, focus on what we can do conscientiously and collectively to bring this epidemic to an end.

Service To Others

Find ways to be helpful to others. What goes around comes around and what comes around goes around. Serving others with humility teaches us to let go of our ego. It enables us to learn and grow to be better as we listen and put others first before us, creating a harmonious affinity and environment with people. It shows our willingness to be open-minded, to practice patience and understanding the perspective of another. 

Character Building

Now more than ever is your chance to build your character. Be mindful of who you are becoming as our character is what makes us authentic. Look in the mirror of your mind and check to see if you like the person that you are now. Are you being authentic and real, not just to others but to yourself? Are you the same person behind closed doors when others cannot see you or are you always the same person you are, no matter where you are? Character is built from our experiences and what we choose to learn from them. Be mindful of your daily thoughts, decisions, and actions as they turn into habits that will define your character.

Gratitude

Be grateful for what is already in your life. Look not at what is not with you but open your eyes to the treasures that are in your possession now. Be thankful for each day and accept all experiences that happen as an opportunity to learn and grow from them. Everything happens for a reason and if we can take the positive out of every experience and situation, our lives can only improve for the greater good.

Acceptance and detachment

Understand the cause and effect. Know that every thought, every word and every action we take have consequences. Learn to accept matters as they are and let go of what we cannot control or change. Good thing or bad thing, who knows? Things eventually always even out.

Truth

When we practice truth, we deal in honesty and transparency. It means we are reliable, and it builds a good reputation of trustworthiness and respect. So always speak the truth and keep your promises. 

Conclusion

These universal moral principles have always been within us. We know the principles and the virtue of practicing them but only a few will follow as ego, greed, and desires overcome our true nature. However, as the world goes into lockdown, this is a great time to dwell deep within oneself to reflect. You have the power to bring these moral principles alive in your day to day life.

New Year Resolutions 2020

New Year Resolutions 2020

To Have Or Not?
New Year’s Resolutions 2020

Happy New Year 2020. It’s the first day of the year and I suppose we are all busy making merry and new year resolutions.

Well, I made a lot of merriments but no New Year resolutions.

I was having New Year’s lunch with some close friends, and was asked what was my New Year’s resolution 2020? I immediately said  “No, I don’t have any; and I’ve not made any since umpteenth years ago”.

The reason I gave up making resolutions years ago is that resolutions have never worked for me. I rarely achieve my New Year’s resolution each year.

According to one survey,”Thirteen percent of respondents reported never even starting their New Year’s resolution, and over half of Americans failed their resolution while still in the month of January!”. If you are one of those rare people who actually do achieve your New Year’s resolutions every year, congratulations! If you are like me who has never successfully achieved any New Year’s resolutions…..read on.

Why New Year Resolutions Don’t Work?

Having a New Year resolution is similar to having a goal. However, it mainly does not work because it is a set annual goal that you resolve to achieve but not necessary what you really want to do or have fun doing. In most cases, there is no continued motivation or commitment as the year moves on and we are hit with the daily activities and situations that distract us from our resolutions. 

My Approach On New Year’s Resolutions

If you are following me, it’s okay to let go of New Year’s resolutions. Throw them out the window and into the bin.

Wait. Does that mean we should not make any goals or resolutios in life? Of course not.

Goals actually give us purpose in life. The difference between successful goals/resolutions and an unsuccessful New Year’s resolution/goal is to set realistic achievable goals/resolutions that is a part of you and what you really want accomplish to get the best out of life. So how can we set goals like a history maker?

  1. Reflect and plan your life. What are your top life values? What principles do you want to uphold? What are the things that must happen between now and the last day of your life for you to feel you have lived a beautiful successful life?
  2. Define what you want to accomplish. Be strategic. Don’t live in reactive mode.
  3. Be precise with your goal. Clarity breeds mastery.
  4. Deconstruct your goal. Truly understand why you want to do it, how you are going to achieve it and then create a do-able game plan.
  5. Keep a journal. It organizes your thinking and allows you to review your thoughts and actions.
  6. Redefine your goal if you need to. Nothing is permanent.
  7. Be patient and kind to yourself to allow setbacks and resets.

My Actions

I focus on daily intentions to realise my goals. Every day, I journal a daily actionable list with my end goal in mind. Before I go to bed, I will note what I want to achieve the next day in accordance to my goal and write down 3 to 5 activities I must do. When I complete my list for the day, I celebrate my achievement.  This approach allows me to be in the moment and when my intentions for each day are completed, I am kept motivated and this makes it easy for me to stay committed. Journalling makes it easy for me to keep track, to dissect my thoughts and actions if I need to and allows me to see how far I have journeyed to be where I am.

What You Can Do

Try it. For example, if you want to get healthy and fitter, just write down 3 to 5 simple healthy things that you can succeed for each day.
1. Drink 8 glasses of water
2. Do 3 sets of ten squats morning and evening.
3. Salad for lunch
4. Take a 15 minit walk.
5. Go dancing with a friend.

Write a new achievable list every day. Make it short/easy/fun/do-able. Complete your list before the end of the day. Remember to celebrate your own small wins each day. You will feel great about your daily achievements. Do this consistently and before you know it, you will see the full result of your everyday actions.

I truly trust this will help you walk the little steps to your success. Feel free to let me know how it goes. Cheers for now and bye bye to New Year’s Resolutions 2020.

Life Is Meant To Be Happy

Life Is Meant To Be Happy

Life is not meant to be the best. Life is meant to be happy.

We often talk about wanting a happy successful life. How do we define success or for that matter happiness? When we are successful, we are happy and when we are happy, we are successful in all we do.

So is success and happiness linked to material wealth, health wealth or spiritual wealth?

To me a successful life filled with joy means we have a roof over our head to keep us safe and warm, enough food on our table, great health and especially be full of spiritual wealth. When we stop chasing material things and appreciate what we already have, when we are in good health and when we are at peace within our self, life is balanced. Does that mean we do not go for higher achievements? No, it just means we need to learn enough and to appreciate what we already have while still striving towards our ambition and goals.

So what does this phrase “Life Is Meant To Be Happy” mean? Well, let me tell you this amazing story and hopefully, it will enlighten you to see the truth about happiness in this case.

The Story of the 99 Club.

Once upon a time, there lived a King who, despite his luxurious lifestyle, was not happy nor contented. One day when he was out travelling, he noticed a peasant who was singing happily while he worked.

The King wondered how this lowly peasant who has nothing can be so contented and asked the man “Why are you singing so happily?”

The peasant replied, “ Your Majesty, I am but a common man. However, my family and myself don’t have much wants, just warm food to fill our bellies and a roof over our heads.”

The King doubted the man’s words. When he returned to his palace, he sought advice from his most trusted minister. After hearing the King’s headache, the minister said “Your Majesty, I believe this peasant that you saw is not a member of the 99 Club yet.”

“The 99 Club?” asked the King. The minister proceeded to explain. “Your Majesty, to understand the 99 Club, you need to deliver 99 gold coins in a bag and place in on the man’s front door.”

So the King did exactly that the next day. When the peasant returned home that evening, he saw a bag on his doorstep. He took it into his house and opened it. When he realised the bag was filled with gold coins, he gave out a shout of glee. He began to count the coins one by one and after several counts, he confirmed there were 99 gold coins. He began to wonder why there were only 99 coins? “What happened to that last gold coin? No one would leave just 99 coins!”

He searched everywhere but he could not find the 100th coin. He decided that he would start working harder to earn the one gold coin that would complete his collection of 100 gold coins.

From that day, the peasant worked extra hard and had no time for his family. He was completely focussed on earning the one gold coin. He worked from morning to night without stopping. He was exhausted and grumpy by the end of the day. He stopped enjoying his work and he stopped singing.

The King observed the dramatic change in the peasant and was puzzled. He asked his minister to explain. His minister replied “Your Majesty, the man is now a member of the 99 Club. The Club consist of people who have enough to be happy but they are forever striving for that one extra thing that they think will make them happy, thus they are never satisfied nor happy.”

The moral of this story is that we can be happy and contented regardless if we have a lot or very little in our lives. The moment we forget to appreciate what we already have and let our desire and greed overpower us, we join the world of discontentment and unhappiness; adding unnecessary stress into our lives. Choose to be grateful and happy while living your dreams. After all, life is meant to be happy, truly.

Have you count your blessings today?

Namaste.

Failure Is Not An Option

Failure Is Not An Option

Why Failure is Not An Option

Life is a learning experience where we taste every sweet success and every bitter failure. When we have to courage to face our failures, to thrive in our failures, we become much more resilient.

Have courage to live every moment. Have wisdom to learn from past failures and mistakes. Use this power of understanding and learning from our mistakes to grow and improve our life to a higher level.
#LiveAndBreathe
#CountYourBlessings

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