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The Wisdom of Compromise

The Wisdom of Compromise

One of the most important things to learn in life is the wisdom of compromise. Many people find it hard to compromise because they believe that when they give in, they will end up as the loser who does not get what they want. However, compromise is not about losing. It is about having the understanding and deciding that others have just about as much right as you, to have a happy ending.

Why Do We Need To Compromise?

Compromise is needed when two or more parties have to resolve conflict peacefully. When we compromise, we are thinking and doing for the good of many, and the happiness of many. It helps us to cultivate awareness not only in our self but of others and teaches us to be humble in self-importance.

  1. Compromise makes conflicts much easier to resolve.
  2. It is a form of co-operation that fosters amicable ending to conflicts.
  3. It provides a mutual win-win solution where everyone gets some of what they want.
  4. It sustains long-lasting harmonious relationships.

The Wisdom of Compromise?

However, in deciding to give in or not, we need to recognise the difference between healthy and unhealthy comprises. 

A healthy compromise benefits all parties involved and does not contest your safety and core values. On the other hand, an unhealthy compromise happens when it is one-sided (one completely giving in and the other taking all), and involves giving up your integrity and/or changing core values. Unhealthy compromise often results in resentment and loss of your authentic best self

As Mahatma Gandhi said

“All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on fundamentals. Any compromise on mere fundamentals is a surrender. For it is all give and no take”

The Art Of Healthy Compromise!

The art of healthy compromise is in giving and taking with a dash of love, peace and empathy. It means that even though everyone loses a little something, at the same time, everyone also gains a little something where everyone benefits and can be happy with the final outcome.

So here goes 6 steps to cultivating the art of healthy compromise:

  1. Identify the root cause of the conflict.
  2. Understand where each other is coming from. Listen to each other’s points and see the view from each other’s perspectives.
  3. Workaround the differences with the common goal in mind to come up with an agreeable outcome/result for all concerned.
  4. Be willing to bend a little. Try to look at the conflict impartially and see which ideas, needs, and values are important and which you feel are more flexible to relent.
  5. Be willing to give up something to gain something greater for everyone. 
  6. Value your relationship more than your ego. Let go of the self-importance and pride that hinder a good outcome.

Having to compromise is sometimes one of the toughest tasks in our lives. However, when we allow ourselves to compromise, it is a virtue that brings out our compassion, negotiation skills, and opens our mind to different perspectives around us. Being able to compromise healthily and positively bridges the gap between what we want and what others want. Practising the wisdom of compromise will boost harmony and happiness with the people around us, including ourselves.

Namaste.

It Begins With The Mindset

It Begins With The Mindset

Why does it all begins with the right mindset? Is the mindset really important to help us achieve what we desire? Let’s explore this.

What is a Mindset?

A mindset is a way of thinking. It is a collection of thought habits of how we make sense of what is happening around us. These thought habits are our mental inclination towards what we believe and how we see things, and often affects how we think, feel and act.

Conditioning Your Mind

The natural conditioning of our brain is formed through the repetition of thoughts, feelings and actions. How we were raised, our experiences and beliefs strengthen the neural pathways in our brain that form the brain’s pattern of thinking, feeling and acting. 

Habits, beliefs and perceptions are the result of the natural conditioning of our brain. The beliefs we hold in our mind forms our attitude which shapes our mindset, and our attitude in turns strengthen the habits we have which reinforces our mindset. Your mindset is what leads you to your destination of the life you create for yourself. 

Two Types of Mindsets

The growth mindset

When challenged or faced with something difficult, you believe you can do it. You learn and develop the skills to solve the matter at hand.

The static mindset

When challenged or faced with difficulties, you believe you are hopeless and provide all sorts of excuses why it is undoable or unreachable.

Why Growth Mindset Is Important?

As Carol S Dweck explains:

Growth Mindset (Intelligence can be developed)
  • embraces challenges
  • persists in the face of setback
  • uses effort as the path to mastery
  • learn from critics
  • finds lessons and inspiration in the success of others

As a result, they reach even higher levels of achievement.

Fixed Mindset (Intelligence is static)
  • avoids challenges
  • gives up easily
  • sees effort as fruitless or worse
  • ignores useful negative feedback
  • feel threatened by the success of others

As a result, they may plateau early and achieve less than their full potential.

Why It Begins with the Mindset?

Significance of Powerful Positive Thoughts and Actions

As pointed above, when we have a healthy and growing mindset, we can accomplish great achievements.

AS WE THINK WE ACT,

AS WE ACT, WE ARE

AS WE ARE, WE THINK.

I find this to be very true based on my own experiences with my life challenges. There was a time years ago, when I was going through one of my darkest period in life, it was a growing mindset filled with gratitude and positivity that drove me to become alive again. 

Mind you, it wasn’t easy when all I wanted to do was to lie on my bed and wished my sorrow away. Everything that was the essence of me, all vanished into thin air. On many days, I was aware of my zombie state. I was also very aware that it all begins with my mindset, but my mind refused to do anything. Until one fine day, my inner strength finally broke through my weaknesses and called out to me. Enough was enough! I awoken with the tenacity to dig myself out of the mud hole I buried myself in. 

Initially, the journey of returning to my true nature was arduous. Every single day, I had to consciously push myself to look inwards to find the true essence of me again and in what I believe in – growth, positiveness, gratitude, and love. I strived to be mindful in my thoughts and actions. Every morning, I gave thanks daily for another day to work on my shortcomings. I remember to be grateful for everything around me, even on days when I did not feel grateful at all. When negative thoughts arised abruptly, I purposefully rewired my mindset to change them into powerful positive thoughts, and focus on the moment of where I was and what I was doing. There are still days when unwanted negative thoughts appear. I just observe them, accept that yeah, I’m human and move on from that thought. It is what it is as part of my growing and learning journey where I work on improving my mind power. As I think, I am. 

Which Mindset Do You Have?

It is our present mindset that determines the life we create. How we think and what we decide to do today leads to a future of what we did in the past. 

The problem though, is that most of us are not mentally strong enough and we have yet to master the growth mindset. Without a growth and positive mindset, it is always easier to look at the external factors for blame in our current life. It is always easier to give up than to struggle. A person with a fixed mindset has limited beliefs that often leads to self fulfilling  prophecies which prevents him or her from being their personal best. 

Mental Conditioning

Train your mind to rid the default negative beliefs and impressions planted in your brain  Modify your thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs to accept reformed positive thinking patterns that will ultimately optimise your performances. 

Observe your thoughts 
  • Keep a log of your thoughts.
  • Are your thoughts more positive or negative?
  • Why do you think the way you do?
  • Understand the mechanisms in your thought patterns so that you can address them.
Be aware of your thoughts. 
  • Realise that your subconscious mind cannot distinguish between truth and false.
  • Whatever you feed your mind constantly and repeatedly will be accepted as its truth. 
Build good thoughts habits.
  • Be in control of your thoughts.
  • Do not give power to negative thoughts.
  • Whenever a thought that does not suit your purpose pops up, tell yourself it is ok but it is not you.
  • Discard it and consciously bring a good thought to counter that negative thought. Tune in to positive thinking Remember, what you repeatedly tell yourself is what your mind perceive as the truth. 
Build Mental Toughness Of Positive Thinking
  • Focus on gratitude. Be grateful for the good things in your life. Write 5 things you are grateful for.
  • Believe in who you are. Write 5 positive affirmations about yourself and read them out when you awake and before you go to bed. A trick here is to look at your eyes in the mirror as you make the affirmations, totally believing in yourself. 
  • Train your brain to speak in positive ways. Have positive responses to everything that happens to you. Do not allow external factors to control your emotions. 
  • Whenever a negative thought or feeling arises:
    • STOP.
    • FOCUS ON BREATHING.
    • COUNT to TEN before you respond.
    • Tell yourself you are no longer that person and return to the present moment with a good thought. 

Positive Thinking, Mental Toughness, Focus and Concentration

You can increase self awareness of your mental and physical states by

  • having a clear positive vision of what you want to change
  • understanding why you want the change
  • develop the positivity, mindset and focus to achieve the change

It all begins with the mindset. So, plant good thought seeds to sow great intentions and form robust habits to gift yourself a growth mindset that endures and overcomes all your challenges. Namaste.

5 Powerful Steps To Reduce Worrying

5 Powerful Steps To Reduce Worrying

Why We Worry?

Worrying is when you allow anxiety and fear to pop into your head. It is an invisible activity we all do one time or another. It usually has no limits. So why do some of us spend so much time worrying?  Well, sometimes worry could be a good thing to help us get on top of matters by allowing us to play out different scenarios and create various plans to overcome uncertainties. We need the inbuilt ability for anxiety to deal with danger and fundamental threats to our basic survival. But more often than not, it is like a broken record that keeps coming back to us and is exhausting. When this happens, we need some positive actions to reduce worrying and anxiety.

What is Worry

Worry is the act of feeling unsettled and being troubled over a particular problem or situation. It is a self-talk activity that originates from anxiety and fear for the unknown, where we are bothered by a problem and project possible negative scenarios that may happen now or in the future in which we are afraid, or feel we are unable to handle.

A little bit of worrying from time to time is a normal part of life as we face life’s daily trials and tribulations. However, when you experience constant worry and negative thinking repeatedly, and if you cannot disengage, it can take its toll on your health and interfere with your daily life. Being stuck at pondering your worries

  1. does not help you, and
  2. makes it impossible for you to focus in the present moment.

Cause of Worrying

Worry may be triggered by stressful events that occur in your life, especially major changes, such as:

  • Work problem
  • Health problem
  • Personal problem
  • Relationship problem
  • Loss of job
  • Financial difficulty

With the world locking down and everyone having to stay home, many individuals are released by their employers to cut cost, as establishments and businesses close temporary. Many have lost their source of income. On top of this, some may be fighting illnesses, including the latest most rampant infection COVID-19. The healthcare system is strained and many of us are bored from staying home, angry and/or depressed that this is ongoing and worry sets in.

Working through Worries

Worry is a type of thought-pattern where our mind repetitively focus on the problem and the consequences that may arise from the problem. To work through this, we need to understand:

  1. Our negative thoughts that derive from worrying are not the problem. It is how we respond to our thoughts that creates the problem of worrying too much. 
  2. The mind does not differentiate between imaginary and reality.
  3. Thoughts are just our ideas, impressions, and beliefs we have about ourselves, others and the world around us. They are mental cognisance that creates the perception of our views on any given situation, experience or person (for better, worse, or neutral). Thoughts are often shaped by life experiences, upbringing, genetics, and education. If you are conscious of your thoughts and attitudes, you can choose to change them. 

We can’t prevent worrying but we can learn to balance this negative act with positive actions.

Here are 5 Powerful Steps to Reduce Worrying and Anxiety

  1. Observe your thoughts and feelings. When you worry, admit you are vulnerable and that a bad scenario might happen.
  2. Separate your thoughts from reality. The goal is to pay attention to your worry thought instead of looking through it. View your worry thoughts as separate from you, and remind yourself that your thoughts are not reality, they are not actual events and they may or may not happen.
  3. Label your worry, accept it is there and let it go. When a worry pops up, label it as “a worrying thought.” It is not you. Do not identify with it nor let it overtake you. Think realistically of the “what if” worst scenarios. Write them down and put them as your thoughts. Pay attention to your emotions as you are thinking those thoughts. How do you feel? Write them down too.  Learn to observe your thoughts and emotions as you are doing this. Reflect on how you can take charge of them.
  4. Control where your thoughts lead you. Actively shift your mind to focus on more positive aspects of the situation. Is there anything you can do? What steps can you take if it happens? Take your time in mindfully looking at the scenario and come up with a positive realistic plan based on your values. The more clarity you have (about your values and direction), the more willing you are to do the work. Trust your plan will succeed to overcome the situation of worry you have.
  5. Practice mindfulness to feed your mind with the right food. Channel your thought energy into gratitude, improvement, and positivity. Learning to control and direct your thoughts to the present moment and gratitude will greatly help you to reduce anxiety and depression.

Your attitude towards coping with worry and anxiety is important. 

Remember, your thoughts and worry are not you.

Learn to Observe them, Control them and Rule over them.

Whoever is stronger wins.

New Year Resolutions 2020

New Year Resolutions 2020

To Have Or Not?
New Year’s Resolutions 2020

Happy New Year 2020. It’s the first day of the year and I suppose we are all busy making merry and new year resolutions.

Well, I made a lot of merriments but no New Year resolutions.

I was having New Year’s lunch with some close friends, and was asked what was my New Year’s resolution 2020? I immediately said  “No, I don’t have any; and I’ve not made any since umpteenth years ago”.

The reason I gave up making resolutions years ago is that resolutions have never worked for me. I rarely achieve my New Year’s resolution each year.

According to one survey,”Thirteen percent of respondents reported never even starting their New Year’s resolution, and over half of Americans failed their resolution while still in the month of January!”. If you are one of those rare people who actually do achieve your New Year’s resolutions every year, congratulations! If you are like me who has never successfully achieved any New Year’s resolutions…..read on.

Why New Year Resolutions Don’t Work?

Having a New Year resolution is similar to having a goal. However, it mainly does not work because it is a set annual goal that you resolve to achieve but not necessary what you really want to do or have fun doing. In most cases, there is no continued motivation or commitment as the year moves on and we are hit with the daily activities and situations that distract us from our resolutions. 

My Approach On New Year’s Resolutions

If you are following me, it’s okay to let go of New Year’s resolutions. Throw them out the window and into the bin.

Wait. Does that mean we should not make any goals or resolutios in life? Of course not.

Goals actually give us purpose in life. The difference between successful goals/resolutions and an unsuccessful New Year’s resolution/goal is to set realistic achievable goals/resolutions that is a part of you and what you really want accomplish to get the best out of life. So how can we set goals like a history maker?

  1. Reflect and plan your life. What are your top life values? What principles do you want to uphold? What are the things that must happen between now and the last day of your life for you to feel you have lived a beautiful successful life?
  2. Define what you want to accomplish. Be strategic. Don’t live in reactive mode.
  3. Be precise with your goal. Clarity breeds mastery.
  4. Deconstruct your goal. Truly understand why you want to do it, how you are going to achieve it and then create a do-able game plan.
  5. Keep a journal. It organizes your thinking and allows you to review your thoughts and actions.
  6. Redefine your goal if you need to. Nothing is permanent.
  7. Be patient and kind to yourself to allow setbacks and resets.

My Actions

I focus on daily intentions to realise my goals. Every day, I journal a daily actionable list with my end goal in mind. Before I go to bed, I will note what I want to achieve the next day in accordance to my goal and write down 3 to 5 activities I must do. When I complete my list for the day, I celebrate my achievement.  This approach allows me to be in the moment and when my intentions for each day are completed, I am kept motivated and this makes it easy for me to stay committed. Journalling makes it easy for me to keep track, to dissect my thoughts and actions if I need to and allows me to see how far I have journeyed to be where I am.

What You Can Do

Try it. For example, if you want to get healthy and fitter, just write down 3 to 5 simple healthy things that you can succeed for each day.
1. Drink 8 glasses of water
2. Do 3 sets of ten squats morning and evening.
3. Salad for lunch
4. Take a 15 minit walk.
5. Go dancing with a friend.

Write a new achievable list every day. Make it short/easy/fun/do-able. Complete your list before the end of the day. Remember to celebrate your own small wins each day. You will feel great about your daily achievements. Do this consistently and before you know it, you will see the full result of your everyday actions.

I truly trust this will help you walk the little steps to your success. Feel free to let me know how it goes. Cheers for now and bye bye to New Year’s Resolutions 2020.

Failure Is Not An Option

Failure Is Not An Option

Why Failure is Not An Option

Life is a learning experience where we taste every sweet success and every bitter failure. When we have to courage to face our failures, to thrive in our failures, we become much more resilient.

Have courage to live every moment. Have wisdom to learn from past failures and mistakes. Use this power of understanding and learning from our mistakes to grow and improve our life to a higher level.
#LiveAndBreathe
#CountYourBlessings

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